I have a couple of reasons why I am writing a blog and the main one is to share my experience with my anxiety and my phobia. I was talking to my wife about sharing my blog on other pages and she looked at me and said, “I don’t think you should look up your phobia,” I told her I wasn’t yet but I was going to look, I searched on Facebook and WOW there are a lot of Emetophobia groups, I was shocked. I started scrolling down the page and I saw the “V” word and my palms started sweating and my body started to get hot. I panicked and told my wife there was no way I could even click on the group.
Over the years, I have managed to get through the day without having a meltdown, even though some days I can barely function, but seeing that word and knowing others will be saying it while telling their story, I can not handle. Does that make me a horrible person? I personally do not think so. I think I have a lot of work to do and even though I love to hear people’s stories, my brain has a limit on what it can take. I hope that makes sense. When I was getting my bachelors in psychology, I had class that was going over anxiety issues and there was a guy in my class that was scared of spiders. When I think of spiders, I do not get scared, I just do not like them but the symptoms of his anxiety and my anxiety were the same.
It is like you have a sixth sense, it is like you just know when someone will get sick, or you will see a spider. That may sound silly to you, but, that is the daily life of a person with anxiety. For example, when I was in school growing up, I would just know if a kid was not feeling good. I would get up and leave class, walking out with my fingers plugged into my ears. A while later, that kid would be in the nurses office for getting sick. I just knew it.
In college I learned that anxiety consists of three stages, the first stage is the flight-fight response, where your body copes with a threatening situation. My body has been at this stage my whole life. My heart will start to race, I get hot, I sweat, and I panic. Then comes the second stage, Resistance, where your body tries to adapt to the situation but after leaving the situation your body tries to calm down and it comes the last stage, Exhaustion, where your body is fatigued from all the adrenaline and your body repairs itself back to its normal state. Doesn’t all that sound exhausting? I need a nap. That is my life daily, and I know countless others’ as well.
I might not be able to follow my phobia’s group or even say the “V” word but I can share my experience and also talk to others about anxiety.
A quote I like to remind myself of a lot is: “Most of the things you worry about NEVER happen.”
Keep Moving Forward.
Love – WBC